*crawls out from under a rock* *squints at the light* “Oh! Hey.” *contemplates crawling back under the rock*

It’s the middle of May, and I’m sitting here looking at the things I’ve done… and the things I need to do… and feeling disappointed with both.

There’s been some progress. My latest book, Praising Kane, is in the hands of a few beta readers (still need more, if you’re interested). I’ve also caught the inkling of a new story and have begun to write again. It feels very strange after having edited two books in a row.

None of that is helping with the fact that I have just under 2 1/2 months until my yearly goal promises need to be reached. That, compounded with the wacky work schedule (they’ve begun to have me work almost every weekend), is making it an even greater challenge. Which leads me to the brain rambling…

What makes a ‘challenge’ something worth doing? I can honestly say that I’m a supremely lazy person. Almost any decision is laced with the question, ‘do I have to get up off my ass?’ Often times, the answer is ‘yes’, and my brain refuses to debate any further. Other times, it seems as if I get offended at the challenge and have to do it to prove something. It leaves me curious. It takes an amazing amount of effort, and time management, and brainpower to write a book in a month… yet, I’ll balk at making a sandwich, because I have to stand up and open the refrigerator.

Making a blog post a week seems to be similar to making a sandwich. I get in that frame of mind of, “Do I have’ta?”… and the answer comes back, “Well, you don’t technically HAVE to.” Nothing says I have to write or edit my books, either… but those take precedence and importance, and they slowly get done.

I could sit here and blame things, like depression, or my work schedule… but know deep down that it’s not true. I spend hours just sitting here, dreading life and wondering what the future has in store, so it’s not a lack of time. I’m thinking it’s the same doohickey in my head that prevents me from making a sandwich… the lazy gland.

As I glance down at my word count, I realize that the lazy gland can be expressed… squeezed of its juices to at least postpone its siren call. But it makes me wonder… does everyone have a lazy gland? Do some people get bigger ones? Is it as difficult for others to resist the gland? …and the big one… Am I just making something up to fill some silly requirement to update my blog?

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear your take on this.